Tuesday, 7 June 2011

so jakes on this detox diet which is working wonderfully for him. i've put on a few pounds and really want a flat belly and 8 stone again (which i think is okay for my frame). I've decided against the detox and decided for just a simple diet, using some of the tips from the detox. I'm going to stop eating bread completely, not all of dairy like the detox is for but i wont be really eating butter because i wont be eating bread, and milk is at a low anyway consdering i have 1, max 2 cups of tea a day. im not cutting out caffeine because frankly i dont have much anyway so i dont think thats an issue with me. im going to start eating properly and proper times of the day, even though thats going to be slightly hard with the hours i work but i think i can stiill manage breakfast, lunch possible and maybe dinner most days. along with snacks, which will be fruit and nuts. also im going to stop drinking fizzy drinks, and limit my drinks down to juice or water. no more energy drink or coke etc etc.
so today i've started (literallly decided about half an hour ago after having lunch) and i've had apple juice for breakfast, no actual breakfast there. then for lunch i've had a jacket potato with cheese, salad and a chicken breast. also an apple, apple juice and water. im gonna pop to the shop before work and get some nuts to eat during work and im not sure what im doing about dinner because i know its bad to eat then sleep but if i can i'll have an omelette with chicken tonight depending when i get in. im really determined to lose weight and i dont think the detox is the right thing for me but i think that if i monitor what i eat and think about it and cut down little things (mainly bread, and obviously pot noodles, pizzas, coke, junk food basically) i'll be okay and hopefully will begin to lose weight and feel better about myself. i applaud jake so much for being able to do this detox, and he's doing so well in it. i looked up detox diets and found 'the master cleanse' which at the time seemed like a great idea, its where you just drink this home made lemon juice (with maple syrup and this pepper) constantly for 10 days with no solid food and take laxatives. apparently beyonce did it, but later on said she wouldnt reccomend it. i read up on it and apparently although it does obviously promote weight loss, its very unhealthy for the stomach lining and the intestines and eating normal food after being on the diet is a nightmare. perhaps not the best idea there.

onto different matters completely now. today i met up with james to do his download shopping, which consisted of going to b&q, wilkinsons, morrisons and tescos. jakes really annoyed about this, because i didnt let him know i was meeting james. im saying this here, and i know jake you're the only one whos going to read this, but i really want to explain myself because i havent really done much wrong. i didnt tell jake because we wernt texting or talking or anything at the time, i text him in the morning as usual when i woke up but didnt get a reply and only heard from him when his friend saw me and james in wilkinsons. i hadnt checked my phone in ages either, i just plainly forgot. my phone has a button on the side which turns the volume up and down and i had it on vibrate whilst i slept that night, as i do every night, but the button had turned it down to complete silent without me knowing, so i didnt hear my phone calls or texts or anything and when i did remember like 'oh shit my phone' i had about 3 missed calls and 10 texts and then my phone went out of signal because i was going into morrisons so i couldnt reply straight away. but after the shopping i just dropped him off at moleys where tom was, picked up my mum and came home and had lunch.
i also shamefully looked at jakes phone messages, i was just curious at what had been said because obviously everyone gets curious and just wants to know and jakes taken that badly aswell and it was a stupid thing to do but you know the saying curiousity killed the cat...
i cant explain myself anymore and i really feel like i havent done that much wrong really, jake knows how much i love him, i thought that much was obvious by now but apparently not. i dont know what i can do. i just keep fucking up without realising it. sometimes i think maybe i should just stay indoors and keep myself out of trouble.

06:39