light it up
jacob, reading, driving, scrapbooks, photography, boxsets, sleeping, wetherspoons.
americas next top model, doctor who, inbetweeners, gossip girl, skins, sex and the city.
noah and the whale, darwin deez, example, arctic monkeys, gorillaz, rise against, blink 182, atreyu, pendulum, hadouken, city and colour.
reading fest '11, travelling '12
5/5/11
01:06am
a bit sleepy
jakey
Tuesday 31 May 2011
so im gonna blog slightly drunk because i am so wound up!
basically its been a very busy weekend, i am very very tired. been working silly hours and starting at silly o'clock but i finished at 3 today and have had the night off and the day off tomorrow and not in till 3 on thursday!
i went out for beccas birthday tonight, we went to a chinese and had a lovely meal which would've been so much nicer if it hadnt have been so spicey! after that i met up with a few work friends for suzys birthday which was nice and different. it was a funny night but after a while people decided they wanted to go home. there were a few dickheads in 'vouz which were obviously there just for the fight. there was one guy who was being such a twat, he tried to high five everyone and dan said 'not a fan' and the guy, being a prick, was like 'what do you mean not a fan got a problem facking cunt' etc etc then this sketty girl came along like 'yeah he's been in prison for 2 years he comes back not having a clue whats going on theres all these new roads he's just shaken up'. YEAH THATS ALRIGHT. he's just confused! couldnt find his fucking way here thats all! so we all moved on and suzy wanted to go home, elaine had to find her boyfriend so we went to surfside, i had a cigarette so i sat outside where surprisingly these people from earlier were! this guy tries to buy fags off me and that same girl from earlier came up to me, snatched my cigarette out my hand and walked off. i was like 'what the fuck do you think you're doing!' which was replied to as 'gun fuckin nok u out cunt watch it u slag' (in that slang) and ohmygod i've never been so angry or shouted at a girl so much in my life. i feel quite relieved now because i think i let all my stress and tension out on her but she gave me my cigarette back. fucking slag.
basically what a night! i've never shouted at or ever gotten in a verbal or physical fight before but oh i love winning and i was obviously in the right!
im so looking forward to tomorrow spending the day with my lovely boyfriend hopefully with a film seeing as its wednesday :) fun times ahead!
night lovers x
basically its been a very busy weekend, i am very very tired. been working silly hours and starting at silly o'clock but i finished at 3 today and have had the night off and the day off tomorrow and not in till 3 on thursday!
i went out for beccas birthday tonight, we went to a chinese and had a lovely meal which would've been so much nicer if it hadnt have been so spicey! after that i met up with a few work friends for suzys birthday which was nice and different. it was a funny night but after a while people decided they wanted to go home. there were a few dickheads in 'vouz which were obviously there just for the fight. there was one guy who was being such a twat, he tried to high five everyone and dan said 'not a fan' and the guy, being a prick, was like 'what do you mean not a fan got a problem facking cunt' etc etc then this sketty girl came along like 'yeah he's been in prison for 2 years he comes back not having a clue whats going on theres all these new roads he's just shaken up'. YEAH THATS ALRIGHT. he's just confused! couldnt find his fucking way here thats all! so we all moved on and suzy wanted to go home, elaine had to find her boyfriend so we went to surfside, i had a cigarette so i sat outside where surprisingly these people from earlier were! this guy tries to buy fags off me and that same girl from earlier came up to me, snatched my cigarette out my hand and walked off. i was like 'what the fuck do you think you're doing!' which was replied to as 'gun fuckin nok u out cunt watch it u slag' (in that slang) and ohmygod i've never been so angry or shouted at a girl so much in my life. i feel quite relieved now because i think i let all my stress and tension out on her but she gave me my cigarette back. fucking slag.
basically what a night! i've never shouted at or ever gotten in a verbal or physical fight before but oh i love winning and i was obviously in the right!
im so looking forward to tomorrow spending the day with my lovely boyfriend hopefully with a film seeing as its wednesday :) fun times ahead!
night lovers x
18:38
Wednesday 25 May 2011
its been so long and it dosent even feel like it! all my days are merging into each other and practically nothing is happening apart from going to work.
i did get l.a noire though which is a very good game and made me want to play all the rockstar games again :) i wish i had spare time so i could play gta again i miss that game so much :( i miss having spare time so much actually.
jake also got portal 2 which is very funny but i think im far too simple minded to complete that game on my own :( i used to think i was quite intelligent and i really dont know whats happened. i swear i've killed most of my brain cells.
bad news though i weighed myself and i've put on a stone. thankfully i dont reeally look like i have apart from a bit of a belly which isnt even that bad but its made me realise that im not actually just imagining putting on weight, i really am. but why cannot i eat healthily and exercise?! i really need to sort my life out. i need a holiday. but not even a real holiday just a week or two off work to get myself back in shape and into a normal sleeping/eating/losing a stone routine. then ill start again all healthy and fresh. but its not looking too promising at the moment. i just wont put more weight on, im far too small to hit the 10stone marker without getting chubby.
we watched thor tonight and i was pleasently suprised after complaining and whinging about it :) it was quite a good film and really interesting.
aand thats about all the interesting things i can say about the past week.
12 - finish shift tomorrow not looking forward to it :(
gniiight x
i did get l.a noire though which is a very good game and made me want to play all the rockstar games again :) i wish i had spare time so i could play gta again i miss that game so much :( i miss having spare time so much actually.
jake also got portal 2 which is very funny but i think im far too simple minded to complete that game on my own :( i used to think i was quite intelligent and i really dont know whats happened. i swear i've killed most of my brain cells.
bad news though i weighed myself and i've put on a stone. thankfully i dont reeally look like i have apart from a bit of a belly which isnt even that bad but its made me realise that im not actually just imagining putting on weight, i really am. but why cannot i eat healthily and exercise?! i really need to sort my life out. i need a holiday. but not even a real holiday just a week or two off work to get myself back in shape and into a normal sleeping/eating/losing a stone routine. then ill start again all healthy and fresh. but its not looking too promising at the moment. i just wont put more weight on, im far too small to hit the 10stone marker without getting chubby.
we watched thor tonight and i was pleasently suprised after complaining and whinging about it :) it was quite a good film and really interesting.
aand thats about all the interesting things i can say about the past week.
12 - finish shift tomorrow not looking forward to it :(
gniiight x
16:06
Wednesday 18 May 2011
why does everything always go wrong for me? why when im really happy, it just has to come crashing down and im suddenly breaking down again? i know i've fucked up in the past, but what can i do about it? there is absolutely nothing i can do. apologizing obviously isnt enough, i cant buy my way or sweet talk out of it. i cant do anything about it but somehow i feel like i should because this just isnt working with this on my shoulders. i've never felt so hopeless its horrible. i feel so under pressure to do everything right and because of this i seem to do everything wrong. i can never make people happy.
i am always in the wrong, i am always doing something wrong, or saying something wrong, or talking to people i shouldnt be. im having affairs with people at work, im sleeping around and lying about being at work, i never put any effort into it and i dont appreciate anything.
im not saying im always right but i never get the chance to be, i dont get listened to, i get talked over and made feel stupid so i end up thinking im wrong. i dont intend to do things wrong, im just thick and dont think things through. i dont realise that i cant talk to certain people, i cant talk to males that arent in our direct friendship group. im not having affairs, im not sleeping around. i work hell of alot. im tired so much, i get asked to stay late, i get sent home early. my hours are so unpredictable how am i meant to tell someone when i dont even know myself? i appreciate everything. of course i do. i appreciate the fact im where i am now when i've done so much wrong and i dont deserve to be here. i appreciate it so much but i dont feel the need to say it all the time because it'll just get too much. surely just being there and being happy is enough to realise how much i appreciate it. i do make an effort, all the time. but theres only so much i can do. i dont want to exhaust myself and sometimes i like being on my own. i like just going home, seeing nobody and going to bed. i get so tired so quickly i thought that was obvious by now. everyone needs their alone time but every other chance i get i jump on it and make the effort. i come out late, i come round, i spend days off making the effort, i get taxis, i text every single day. i keep this blog just so he can read it. i dont write it for anyone else and im 99.9% sure no one else knows about it. why would i be writing this if i didnt care? if i didnt appreciate it. if im not upset and if i couldnt give a fuck. because i do care so much and i dont know how else to show it. im emotionally thick and im so easy to tip but he should know this by now. he should know me and know who i am. but he dosent think he does.
i am always in the wrong, i am always doing something wrong, or saying something wrong, or talking to people i shouldnt be. im having affairs with people at work, im sleeping around and lying about being at work, i never put any effort into it and i dont appreciate anything.
im not saying im always right but i never get the chance to be, i dont get listened to, i get talked over and made feel stupid so i end up thinking im wrong. i dont intend to do things wrong, im just thick and dont think things through. i dont realise that i cant talk to certain people, i cant talk to males that arent in our direct friendship group. im not having affairs, im not sleeping around. i work hell of alot. im tired so much, i get asked to stay late, i get sent home early. my hours are so unpredictable how am i meant to tell someone when i dont even know myself? i appreciate everything. of course i do. i appreciate the fact im where i am now when i've done so much wrong and i dont deserve to be here. i appreciate it so much but i dont feel the need to say it all the time because it'll just get too much. surely just being there and being happy is enough to realise how much i appreciate it. i do make an effort, all the time. but theres only so much i can do. i dont want to exhaust myself and sometimes i like being on my own. i like just going home, seeing nobody and going to bed. i get so tired so quickly i thought that was obvious by now. everyone needs their alone time but every other chance i get i jump on it and make the effort. i come out late, i come round, i spend days off making the effort, i get taxis, i text every single day. i keep this blog just so he can read it. i dont write it for anyone else and im 99.9% sure no one else knows about it. why would i be writing this if i didnt care? if i didnt appreciate it. if im not upset and if i couldnt give a fuck. because i do care so much and i dont know how else to show it. im emotionally thick and im so easy to tip but he should know this by now. he should know me and know who i am. but he dosent think he does.
10:00
Tuesday 17 May 2011
sooo i got my extensions today and have lovely long hair :) after much kerfuffle with dying and putting them in place and trying to make them look half decent they're not tooo bad. although it is a little strange its someone elses hair im still pretty happy about it!
got let off work extremely early and went home to do my hair then met jake after work for a drink and went round his friends house, had a glass of wine and watched some odd comedy. all in all a pretty good night and day!
started watching avatar again and ohhh i love it, so childish but so much fun. :) i find it strange how i dont remember it at all! even though i must've watched it only a year ago.
anyway getting slightly sleepy and as soon as i post this im gonna make the decision whether to watch an avatar episode or read a bit or mr potter. decisions decisions!
gniiiight :)
got let off work extremely early and went home to do my hair then met jake after work for a drink and went round his friends house, had a glass of wine and watched some odd comedy. all in all a pretty good night and day!
started watching avatar again and ohhh i love it, so childish but so much fun. :) i find it strange how i dont remember it at all! even though i must've watched it only a year ago.
anyway getting slightly sleepy and as soon as i post this im gonna make the decision whether to watch an avatar episode or read a bit or mr potter. decisions decisions!
gniiiight :)
18:47
Saturday 14 May 2011
its been such a long day :( finally in bed with mr potter.
had a miserable customer tonight that just pissed me off so much and have been in a shit mood since. i need to restart. really fancied going out tonight but i do not have the energy and its probably a good thing because ill save a fair bit of moolah.
back in to work at 12 tomorrow, till finish. im kinda hoping its quiet and i get sent home (fingers crossed) i really need some relax time of just doing nothing.
gniiight
had a miserable customer tonight that just pissed me off so much and have been in a shit mood since. i need to restart. really fancied going out tonight but i do not have the energy and its probably a good thing because ill save a fair bit of moolah.
back in to work at 12 tomorrow, till finish. im kinda hoping its quiet and i get sent home (fingers crossed) i really need some relax time of just doing nothing.
gniiight
17:10
FRIDAY 22ND JULY
braces off!!
braces off!!
03:26
Friday 13 May 2011
finally blogger!
had quite a nice few days (: had a staff meeting on wednesday and i won £25 for being bar team member over christmas! veery pleased. works been alright for the past few days, quite short shifts and all so im feeling pretty good.
i dont really have much else to say ): had a nice day yesterday off and had a big clear out of my dvds so everythings lovely and tidy and i have looads to give away.
i also bought hair extensions today! one thing i never expected myself to do but im dieing for long hair again, i just have to learn how to put them in so they look alright and not tacky as hell...
anyway off i pop to william henry! niight
had quite a nice few days (: had a staff meeting on wednesday and i won £25 for being bar team member over christmas! veery pleased. works been alright for the past few days, quite short shifts and all so im feeling pretty good.
i dont really have much else to say ): had a nice day yesterday off and had a big clear out of my dvds so everythings lovely and tidy and i have looads to give away.
i also bought hair extensions today! one thing i never expected myself to do but im dieing for long hair again, i just have to learn how to put them in so they look alright and not tacky as hell...
anyway off i pop to william henry! niight
14:51
Tuesday 10 May 2011
eee im so happy :D i had my orthodontist appointment today and she told me i have one more appointment of my braces getting tightened then they're coming off!! so much quicker than i expected and i am so so excited. another month or so of metal mouth!
also did an incredibly short shift at work and im out in the daylight just relaxing and reading harry potter for now :) life is gooood.
also did an incredibly short shift at work and im out in the daylight just relaxing and reading harry potter for now :) life is gooood.
10:58
Monday 9 May 2011
my lovely boyfriend can also put things together.
aaand then i fell alseep. it looks very nice though :)
15:39
he's put his dick in the book!
also im a bit upset because i no longer have xbox live or world of warcraft. im so bored!
also im a bit upset because i no longer have xbox live or world of warcraft. im so bored!
15:23
boo me :( no blog in a while apart from some crappily done uploads that my phone seems to have fucked up.
aanyway the reason i havent blogged in a while is because i've been working a fair bit! 24 hours this weekend, im absolutely knackered. saturday night was the owners party, and bobby davro was there, so of course they had to put in an extreme amount of effort to do up the mash & barrel which ended up looking kinda greek godess themed. it was a long night though, the doors opened at half 9 and we got out at 3 but it was fun, quite tiring, but fun! then sunday i did a 12-finish which dragged a bit but that was alright aswell. getting kinda used to being there now, i spend the majority of my time there now.
i've had quite a nice day off though :) went to town with my mum and had a ham salad & jacket potato, which is my first step to healthy eating! although i struggled a bit im gonna try and force myself to like salad now. i was a bit devastated because i can hardly fit into some jeans that used to be too big for me. also went to animal and bought some flipflops! which is a massive step for me because i have never owned and comfortably wore a pair of flip flops in my life. but these are lovely and squidgy and nice :) theenn i met up with jake after work slept a little bit and went for scorpion fish and chips at the pub and a cornetto :) noww i've taken the time to write an extremely boring blog whilst jakes playing star wars and waiting for georgey to come round so we can watch mr doctor who.
basically my weekends been quite dull and i have nothing much to write about, so this ones a bit shit. sorry!
11:35
Saturday 7 May 2011
Oh fun!
androidify :)
04:06
Friday 6 May 2011
Oh its gorgeous
anna sui - flight of fancy
06:41
Thursday 5 May 2011
had quite a nice day today :) went to town with jacob and alex this afternoon, had a drink on the harbour and went for a coffee and talked about our travelling plans. after much confusion of what the seven wonders of the world actually were i've decided just to pick and choose at what i would really like to see, some of them arent any of the 'wonders' at all but still amazing places.
1. chichen itza. mainly because im really interested in the mayans, and maybe a little because i really like avp...
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2. the grand canyon. simply because.
3. great wall of china, another simply because.
4. northern lights. apparently we'll be able to see them from here if we carry on poluting the planet though so i might just wait.
5. vatican city. because of all the dan brown books i've read.
6. niagra falls. who doesnt?
15:06
Wednesday 4 May 2011
"you dont play your xbox, your wii or your DS anymore! what do you play now? books!"
17:29
have you ever really wished you could know exactly what someone feels about you? about what they say about you to their friends and what they say after they've talked to you?
i've decided i will probably never wish this again. i think being oblivious is so much better than knowing the truth.
but saying that im not annoyed or upset at all, dont worry :) i deserved every single word that was said.
i love you for saying it and meaning it.
i've decided i will probably never wish this again. i think being oblivious is so much better than knowing the truth.
but saying that im not annoyed or upset at all, dont worry :) i deserved every single word that was said.
i love you for saying it and meaning it.
11:29
first of all i'd like to say i have a gorgeous boyfriend, this is quite self explanatory, but in any case, a photo speaks a thousands words.
also, im reading harry potter and the chamber of secrets. in my car. whilst waiting for jacob and george to come back with a tv stand.
my boyfriends dog bailey licking his feet. i dont know why.
and we felt classy today so decided to have starters and mains. this consisted of tomato and basil soup and a lasagne which i sadly did not manage to eat all of. perhaps im not classy enough to have a two course meal.
we've just got back from watching insidious, which by the way is such a strangely terrible film and im a bit disappointed that after hiding behind my fingers for the majority of the film it turns into a stupid version of thirteen ghosts. now im watching jacob put together a tv stand and george play with a screw driver :)
10:52
Tuesday 3 May 2011
So I've been woken up at half 6 on my day off (which is surprisingly going to be cold and wet by the looks of it) by the little old gardener tapping on the back door, which at first I thought was someone coming into my work early for a glass of water. He was very persistant and eventually went round to the front door and asked my parents if they could pick up a wheelbarrow from b&q for him. After about 10 minutes of them saying they couldnt and him not moving and awkward silences I got up and said I would do it, somehow, in my tiny little saxo.
I've had about 4/5 hours sleep and I'm wide awake, perhaps those 2 days of continuously sleeping have actually done me some good.
So now I will wake Jake up and tell him he has to help me squeeze a wheelbarrow into my car asap :)
I've had about 4/5 hours sleep and I'm wide awake, perhaps those 2 days of continuously sleeping have actually done me some good.
So now I will wake Jake up and tell him he has to help me squeeze a wheelbarrow into my car asap :)
23:15
The amount of times I've tried to blog and failed is past counting, so here we go again and maybe this time will work, who knows?
I'm pretty happy at the moment :) I have a lovely boyfriend, a lovely job and thats about all but its good enough for me. I could complain about all the things I dont have (money, long hair, my own place, money etc...) but I'll save that for another day.
Things I'm looking forward to? I may aswell get it done now!
* Reading Fest 2011
* Travelling with Jacob
* Moving out
and living a little!
Although the lockup stage for reading fest has been announced and I have to say I do not have the slightest clue who the majority of the bands are. Perhaps its time to download a few more albums...
But the travelling I'm 100% looking forward to :) I find it strange thinking that I could be in a completely different country seeing amazing things with the best person I know is actually possible, I just need to curb the spending a little and perhaps stop going out so much.
So my resolution for now? Apart from maybe this Friday which could be a work 'do, then I am to stop going to town and spend more nights watching soppy films on Jakes mahoosive new TV and drinking wine (spritzers may I add, we need to get some lemonade).
Its nice knowing that I finally have a day off with Jake tomorrow, but knowing my luck there will probably be thunderstorms and rain like my last day off...
But for now I'm going to snuggle down and read a bit of Harry Potter and hope this headache dissappears!
Goodnight x
I'm pretty happy at the moment :) I have a lovely boyfriend, a lovely job and thats about all but its good enough for me. I could complain about all the things I dont have (money, long hair, my own place, money etc...) but I'll save that for another day.
Things I'm looking forward to? I may aswell get it done now!
* Reading Fest 2011
* Travelling with Jacob
* Moving out
and living a little!
Although the lockup stage for reading fest has been announced and I have to say I do not have the slightest clue who the majority of the bands are. Perhaps its time to download a few more albums...
But the travelling I'm 100% looking forward to :) I find it strange thinking that I could be in a completely different country seeing amazing things with the best person I know is actually possible, I just need to curb the spending a little and perhaps stop going out so much.
So my resolution for now? Apart from maybe this Friday which could be a work 'do, then I am to stop going to town and spend more nights watching soppy films on Jakes mahoosive new TV and drinking wine (spritzers may I add, we need to get some lemonade).
Its nice knowing that I finally have a day off with Jake tomorrow, but knowing my luck there will probably be thunderstorms and rain like my last day off...
But for now I'm going to snuggle down and read a bit of Harry Potter and hope this headache dissappears!
Goodnight x
17:33